37 Questions for Mike Pence
How are you liking the White House so far?
I bet you never thought you’d be here, huh?
Kind of a big stage, right?
I mean, you’d probably call it global, wouldn’t you?
Way back when, when you were just a little old homophobic governor in Indiana, did you ever think you’d end up here?
Was it worth riding Trump’s coattails to bring your weirdo hyper-conservative fragile masculine agenda to the entire country?
You’re probably going to say yes to that, aren’t you?
How does it work, the whole “use religion to infringe upon the basic human rights of entire populations” thing?
Is it hard to hate women and LGBTQ people?
Ooh, and do you really think God talks to you?
Like seriously, I read that somewhere and it seems like that is totally a thing that would be true, is it?
What does God sound like?
Does he sound like Idris Elba?
Or maybe James McAvoy?
James McAvoy has a very nice voice that’s very underrated, don’t you think?
There’s no reason God would have a British accent, but it’s seems kind of fitting in a way, doesn’t it?
Oh, you probably think God has a good old fashioned AMERICAN accent, don’t you?
I’m sorry, you know God has a good old fashioned AMERICAN accent, don’t you?
Because God talks to you, right?
Do you talk back to God?
What do you say?
Did you ask him to keep your full head of shiny white hair?
It’s a very nice head of hair, do you get compliments on it?
Holy shit, I just looked you up, you’re not even 60 yet?
Why is your hair fully snow white?
Why do you look so old?
Why are your eyebrows dark but your hair white?
Don’t you think you should have dyed your hair?
Don’t you think it would have made you look a little younger?
And a little more fun?
And while we’re at it, why is your neck so thick?
I’m sorry, I'm being a little mean, aren’t I?
I'm judging you for random traits you have no control over, huh?
That’s not right, is it?
Not very, well, Christian, huh?
And that’s totally not the same thing as judging someone for a simple little trait like who they love, don’t you think?