Times I Deserved an Oscar More Than Gwyneth Paltrow

 Credit:  Jakob Owens

Credit: Jakob Owens

When I pretended to be invested in a Very Important Email during the networking cocktail hour where I knew no one


During the conversation when I acted like he was just a casual fling and not someone who regularly makes me sob my eyes out and yell “I HATE HIM” to my dog


Any time I’ve had to have a rational conversation with my great aunt, who has platinum hair and posts Fox News articles on Facebook every afternoon while she walks her toy poodle named Reagan
 

When I have to sample wine at a fancy restaurant and act like I know how to describe it more than just saying "This is good." 


Every time I order at a juice bar


When my older sister tells me my outfit is…interesting…and I have to pretend like I meant it to be that way


During my college friends’ weddings when I talk to people who became hedge fund managers and they can’t tell I have no idea what that actually means


When men drop movie quotes and I act like I’ve seen The Godfather


Any time someone argues sexual assault statistics are grossly inflated and I don’t punch them in the face

 

by Eva Tremayne